Yota Tsuji And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Nickname*


Pictured: Yota Tsuji's nickname on full display as he makes his entrance at Wrestle Dynasty. 
Not pictured: The author-photographer once again shaking her head and wondering who in the hell thought this was a good idea.

“Gene Blast.”

Ugh. Every time I hear it, or even just see it, I cringe HARD. It is SUCH a BAD nickname. How did it ever get past quality control (I assume New Japan has some level of quality control)?! Did no one workshop this nickname among other wrestlers/staff (Chris Charlton is RIGHT THERE!)? Among a sample selection of fans?

I really like Tsuji and his 1,000 watt smile. But “Gene Blast” makes me want to bang my head against the wall until I forget I heard it. There is no way a native English speaker was asked about this moniker before it was approved, unless it was a completely pure soul who has never had a dirty thought in their life or someone who heard “Gene Blast” and thought “Oh, they can’t be serious. This is going to be HILARIOUS.” If it’s the latter case, that person is evil and I hope they will be punished (by NJPW or Tsuji) for not informing anyone that Tsuji’s nickname sounds like the name of sex act.

Reader, can you picture it?

Scene: A scantily clad woman pouts her lips as she lounges on a plush, silk-laden bed in a suggestive pose. The pizza delivery man, in a shirt so tight his massive muscles are tearing the seams, stares intently, eyes roving over every inch of flesh before him**. The woman bats her long lashes and coquettishly tilts her head to the side. She opens her crimson-painted mouth and, in a voice laden heavy with lust and sensuality, says

“I want you to gene blast all over me.”

UGH!


*With apologies to Judith Viorst for relating her wonderful book to this discussion.

**Don’t ask why the pizza guy is in the bedroom. That is asking for way too much logic from this type of scenario.

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